The Essay
by Simply Contradicting
Summary: I loved him. I loved everything about him. I liked his personality, I liked his facial expressions, but most of all, I loved his eyes. I loved being able to look at him straight in the eye and talk to him, while he did the same. I loved it.


**AN: Hi! Simply Contradicting here! This is my first fanfic so I hope you like it :)**

**The Essay**

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><p><em>Name: Mikan Sakura<em>

_Language Arts_

_4/21/11_

_Almost all adults probably think "Oh, she's thirteen she can't already have experienced falling in love! You didn't feel it you're just over reacting!" You're wrong. Love has no age, and I know what I felt wasn't infatuation. So please, just listen to what I'm going to say._

_My first love was in 6__th__ grade. I've had many crushes in the past, but this felt different. When I first met him, it was in this very building. Alice Academy. He and I had the same best friend, but neither of us talked to each other since we had no mutual classes. At the time he met me, I had a crush on my/his best friend, and I knew he liked me but pushed it aside and totally forgot. One day while in the halls, he stated "You like Ruka!" I paused for a second, looked into his eyes and replied "No…" By just looking at my eyes, he knew I liked my best friend and taunted me for a while. His personality was wonderfully bittersweet. He knew not to be so Prince-like, and knew to be tease-y; just my type. We got close, and to be honest, I had mixed feelings. I liked him and hated him at the same time. We were the two that bickered but knew that we didn't really mean it. I remember we got into a marker war and I had a stain on my shirt, I told him to get a new one because he was a jerk._

_A month after I met him, and after all that stuff I said in the last paragraph, he finally asked me out, and of course I said yes. It was awkward in the beginning, us being 12 and all. But we talked about it and got closer. We hugged, kissed, etc. I don't know when I started loving him. I had his sweater and necklace, and I wore it all the time when he wasn't there for protection. It made me feel safe. It was somewhere between the hour long phone calls and the time we spent together when I realized I wanted him to be the one I married one day. I loved him. I loved everything about him. I liked his personality, I liked his facial expressions, but most of all, I loved his eyes. I loved being able to look at him straight in the eyes and talk to him, while he did the same. I loved it._

_I remember almost four months into our relationship; we had a big fight that was the end of it all. Sure we had fights before, but I was insecure, and I was scared he didn't like me anymore. I asked him about it. His response is still ringing in my mind: "I don't know…" I broke. My heart was screaming in pain and my stomach was in knots, nervous and I already knew what would happen next. Two days later he broke up with me._

_Stupid is what I would call myself. Midnight the day we broke up, I looked for what went wrong. I went back and checked. Of course, me being right was almost always a good thing, but not in this situation. I knew what I've done. I was a clingy girl. I was too attached to him. That was the problem. Him being himself, the day we broke up, he asked to be friends and I stupidly accepted. The next day we were best friends and it looked like things were normal again, minus the touching. But inside, I was still hurting. How can he be unaffected by this? We still had phone calls, still had convos, but it felt different knowing we aren't together anymore. Summer ended and a new school year started. 7__th__ graders here we went. Obviously someone thought it would be funny to put us in the same P.E, Life Skills class and Lunch period. Us being friends at the time thought we should sit together and signed the table paper with our names on it._

_Another month passed by (now in October ) and we stopped talking completely on the phone, and we didn't welcome each other anymore. We only talked to each other when we were within three feet, and texted when really necessary. We drifted and I hated him. Deep down, I knew I still loved him. That October, I was infatuated with this guy for a week. It stopped when I saw him being nice to me and making me smile. The rest of the school year, I had a crush on a guy, and then later on it would stop because I'd go back to him. It sucked, knowing I would be stuck in this. I'd always look at his eyes. I'd look his way and see him staring back at me. His eyes still captivated me. I knew when he'd lie. He would say something, but his eyes would say something different. That's why the anniversary of the day we had our first kiss, I remember asking him if he knew what day it was, and he said "No…" I looked into his eyes and he'd say "You're really stupid y'know that?" I just smiled. I didn't get into a relationship after the second one I left for him, because I knew I'd always go back to him. We had all the memories that reminded me every day of our relationship, it's a no-brainer that I'd remember again and again._

_Right now, everything is back to normal, as normal as it can be. We text each other, and talk to each other. In fact, we just started being friends again the other day, when I saw him at a party. I'll admit, a year and a half in, I still love him, I still have feelings for him, and I hope he'll be the one I love when I'm older. I don't know how long it's going to last until I finally get over him. I sometimes wish I'd forget everything so I wouldn't hurt, but I remember these words: "You'll never forget your first love" and sometimes I hope it's true._

Tears of joy trailed down her face as she remembered the essay she had written in her younger years. How her life changed after that. She leaned on his shoulder, as he spoke. Natsume smiled, glanced at her shining engagement ring and said "I remember that…"

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><p><strong>Okay~ So how was it? This was based on myself so yeah. I know the ending wasn't very clear, so should I do another chapter or two that explains it? REVIEW!<strong>


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